Shit. My Wheelie Bin's Gone.

You know what's most embarrassing about writing this? It's essentially a campaigning blogpost on an issue that the Lib Dems picked up on over 18 months ago. Look out for me proposing increased tuition fees sometime mid 2012*...

It's also largely motivated by self interest but I'm not at all embarrassed by that. After all, what's writing a blog for apart from pushing your own selfish agenda at the expense of all others?

Anyway, as you can see, I've had my wheelie bin stolen. Not the first time it happened either, nor for that matter is it the first act of what I have to refer to as 'anti-social behaviour' (dread phrase) I've been subjected to.

The problem is you get charged for replacements now you see and I can't find an authoritative statement of what the charges are. After some squirrelling around I found that it was introduced in the 2009 council budget (see page 72 of this document) and you get the first one for free but I still can't find out how much the charge is or if there are any concessions.

However, what I did notice was that the measure was/is only expected to raise about £8,000 a year which wouldn't keep the thriftiest of chickens in light snacks for any length of time so it looks a bit mean spirited, in a kind of 'because we can' kind of way. That seems to be the only justification for it by the way, well, that and 'everyone else is doing it'. Policy via the school playground in other words.

But then I remembered another issue which was also 'debated' at the same full council meeting, special allowances for Executive Assistants. I wrote about it at the time, when I was still a bit new at this blogging game. You see the Independent Remuneration Committee recommended that special allowances for EAs should be £2710 pa, whereas JoCo decided that they should get £5579 and as you know, what JoCo decides, NCC votes for. With three EAs (it used to four but Hassan Ahmed was promoted to full portfolio status) that costs an extra £8607 per year. About the same amount as those bloody wheelie bin charges are expected to fetch in other words.

So, when I'm sent a bill for my shiny new wheelie bin I shall reflect on the fact that I am helping to keep former 'high class' (self defined) escort and serial email ignorer Cat Arnold off the streets and stocked up with biros. And never sleep again cos I'll guard the bugger with my life.

Update - been told that as I'm on Income Support there will be no charge so you can stop feeling sorry for me now. Still thinking of setting up a network of machine gun nests around it when it arrives though.

*Should note here that actually local Lib Dems are still against increasing tuition fees, in case the guilt tips one of them over the edge.

Budget Day

Well, today's budget day for NCC, full Council meeting where the main (but not only, see here) agenda item is approval or otherwise of the budget.

I say "or otherwise" but of course there's not really any chance of it being thrown out. I do wonder of the slight possibility that the decision to close one of the kids homes being reversed, what with Sam Morton popping in for a chat and all. It depends whether the proposal was a red herring designed to draw fire (i.e they never intended to go through with it) or whether NCC are on one of their frequent macho trips.

Which of course leads me to the Union demo against the cuts in the Market Square at 1pm, which has the uber talented and really rather lovely Ms M as special guest speaker. I'm really hoping she's gonna turn up in a donkey jacket and stand round an authentic 1970s brazier and I'm gonna pop in with me camera to see if I can get a snap or two. Mind you I'd be equally happy if she were to wear....um....er....

Sorry.

Its a busy day in the Markey Square today because because there's also a 'birthday party' for the tram on at roughly the same time and apparently Geoff Hoon has been invited. That'll give Sam Morton a run for her money in the autographing stakes I'll be bound. Not really sure how the two events will mix to tell the truth, not least because a record attempt for the largest number of people doing a 'high 5' is planned as part of the celebrations.

Very obvious conspiracy theory alert; maybe NCC organised the tram do on the same day as the full council meeting to deflect attention and to mess up the expected demo against the cuts.

There, I feel better getting that one out. The trouble with being a born conspiracy theorist is that you know that many of them are rediculous but conspiracy theories are like farts. You try and keep them in but occasionally you've got to let one out to relieve the pressure.

Executive Assistants - Who They?

Nope, I hadn't heard of them either but I stumbled across them when reading the minutes of the last full City Council meeting.

You might remember from reading the 'Post' or maybe seeing my previous post on this meeting that it was more famous for the friendly discussions over the highly complementary Audit Commission report about Nottingham City Homes and the light hearted joshing between JoCo and Cllr Sutton, who was accused of being a 'prat' by the Great Leader. All good stuff. Of course the latter quotette didn't make it into the minutes, merely being summarised as

"After discussion..."

Come on NCC minute takers, sort it out. We want everything warts and all, times of toilet breaks, the lot. After all we pay for them.

Sorry, went a bit 'Daily Mail' there, lets get back on track. It seems the 'prat' jibe wasn't the only excruciating attempt at informality at that meeting, more on that in a bit.

So what is an 'Executive Assistant' then? Its another office of the Council Executive and as such is filled by a councillor of the ruling group normally. All is revealed in the 'Roles and Responsibilities' appendix of NCC's constitution. Para 26 lists their duties as the following;

"1 Executive Assistants will provide general political support to the Executive and will, mainly, achieve this by supporting particular Executive Members’ portfolios and areas of executive work. Their roles will include the following:-

(1) development of policy in areas allocated by the Executive;

(2) assisting Executive Members in all elements of work within their portfolios, including:-

(a) carrying out research and providing advice on executive functions, including briefings to support portfolio decisions;
(b) supporting liaison between the Executive Members and other Councillors, Corporate Directors and Overview and Scrutiny function, and external organisations;
(c) representing the Executive Members at internal and external meetings and events;

(3) development of knowledge, experience and expertise in the portfolio of the Executive Member;

2 Executive Assistants do not have delegated authority to take executive decisions in relation to any executive functions."

In effect a kind of Portfolio Holder's 'supersub' if you will.

Anyway, it seems that at this same Council meeting some of the opposition councillors decided to ask what they had ACTUALLY been doing in recent months. The resultant responses were obviously meant to be seen as high handed cutting sarcasm, Swiftian bons mots sure to belittle the questioners and make them slink away with tails between legs. Unfortunately this didn't work out because the responses appear to have been drafted by the same wag who crafted Jane Todd's jibe about the Evening Post's ipod being stuck on shuffle. What I'm saying here is that they weren't very funny.

Take it away then Councillor Mellen.

"It is great to see the Liberal Democrats are fully behind our desire to increase our recycling rate in the City. Indeed they have managed a 100 per cent recycling rate in the questions that have been brought before Council today."

Rrrrrrrrrip. Oh dear, there go my sides. Councillor Mellen is available for children's birthday parties (as Nobby the Clown), weddings and bahmitzvahs. Book early.

And now, Councillooooorrrrrr Liversidge!

"I thank Councillor Oldham for his question two days after the most momentous event in almost a century."

Er wtf you on about man? Has anybody got any idea? Is this some sort of councillor in-joke? If anyone can explain this please do so in the comments. I must have missed something.

Finally, Councillor Chapman's answer.

"I rather welcome this question because it gives me an opportunity to find out, well it stimulates me talking to Hassan about what the hell he has been up to..."

LOLZ!!!11!! Yeah, what 'the hell' have you been up to Hassan? Its so wild and zany round here that I've got no idea whats going on!!!! You get the feeling that Councillor Chapman has one of those signs in his office saying 'you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps' and what's more, points it out to people when they visit.

Jesus fucking H Christ. Is this the best they can do? Is this what we pay our elected representatives to do all day, making cringe-worthily unsuccessful attempts at dissing the opposition? Somebody had to type all that shit out you know and they don't do it for free.

Anyway, once you've got your breath back we can have a little wonder as to what has caused this outbreak of wackiness and put-downy behaviour. Not surprisingly, it seems to come down to money.

You see Executive Assistants qualify for a special responsibility allowance of £5579.89 per year. This is the same as, say the Chairs of Regulatory Committees or the Chief Whip but more than the Chair of the Appointments and Conditions of Service Committee. Its not entirely a consensus that they're worth that much, hence the spate of questions about what they do with their time from the opposition and the rather snide responses from portfolio holders.

Now the next full Council meeting is due on 9 March and the agenda has an item to discuss the latest report from the Independent Remuneration Committee. This is the bunch charged with the task of making recommendations about the level of the various Councillors' and special responsibilities allowances that are available.

Anyway, it seems that the IRC initially recommended that Executive Assistants should receive an allowance of £2710 initially whereas JoCo wanted them to get the full fat £5579. In the interests of democracy and accountability JoCo ignored the IRC's recommendation and went with the higher amount.

Anyway its review time and the IRC appears to have been bombarded with evidence about the Executive Assistants' worth but have yet to be convinced and still recommend the lower amount. Clearly the opposition smell a rat/opportunity to take the piss.

Of course all this will be swallowed up in the discussions of the budget which is being discussed at the same meeting and the 350 odd redundancies this involves is currently being spun into a £16m in vestment into children and the disabled.

There are currently 4 executive assistants so the total expenditure at issue is about £11.5k pa which would barely get you a half time admin assistant at today's prices. So there's not a lot of political capital for the opposition here. Mind you, if you're the part time admin assistant being made redundant its probably pretty significant.