"Look, this is Labour getting tough" he said.* "You f*** with us and we'll send the Lord Mayor round next time."
Lord Mayor Cllr Jeannie Packer you will remember, recently demonstrated that she was also 'a bit handy' when she saw off a love rival, going round her house to 'have it out' with her. Police were called but it was suggested that they were too scared to do anything.**
Cllr Collins said that the anti-social behaviour strategy was in 'rude health' and that a recent consultation among hand picked cowering members of the public showed strong support for measures such as 'a good kicking' for people with overhanging hedges and 'nutting in the face' for leaving your bin out. Carl Froch# is rumoured to be trawling the dodgier nightclubs doorstaff for recruits for JoCo's private nutting squad as we speak.
Did we say 'private nutting squad'? Sorry we meant Community Wardens.
Asked whether rumours of a secret boxing club being established in the bowels of the Council House were true JoCo replied "Rule one is that we don't talk about 'Boxing Club...' at which our reporter made his excuses and left, weary of another trite film reference.
* This is satire, he didn't say any of this.
**You guessed it, I made this up as well.
#Not too sure about this one...